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Dinallo: AIG Boondoggle Not Worst Idea Ever
It is becoming increasingly apparent that AIG is the hazardous waste dump of the new millennium. Goldman, Merrill and others dumped their toxic liabilities on the Sponge Bobs running AIG. Now taxpayers are paying for the cleanup, the costs of which are rising in the billions literally by the day. Why don't we do what we did under the super fund legislation. Force the responsible parties to pay up on a strict liability basis. Lets ask Goldman et al to clean up the financial Love Canal.
Republican Bailout Counterproposal? Utterly Idiotic
WilliamBanzai7
Doyle Lonnegan: Your boss is quite a card player, Mr. Kelly; how does he do it?
Johnny Hooker: He cheats.
(From the Sting)
"This Sucker Could Go Down" "W"
It is ironic, that on the weekend that arguably
the greatest confidence game of all time is
reaching its climax in Washington in the form of the
mother of all
Wall Street bailouts, Paul Newman, the star of The Sting,
the greatest Confidence movie of all time, has passed on.
In the Sting, Newman plays Henry "Shaw" Gondorf, a master con man who
orchestrates the greatest con ever, that is until September 2008.
The Sting is chuck full of gangsters, incompetent cops, grifters,
colorful schemers, con men, marks
and shills, and keeps you on the edge of your seat straight though to its conclusion.
Just like the Great Subprime Swindle of 2008, there are
twists and turns galore, and you don't know how it
is going to until the final 10 minutes.
Welcome to the Great Subprime Swindle of 2008.
We are barely into what could not be a more fitting sequel to The Sting.
In this new episode, the Wall Street gang succeeds
in conning Main Street USA out of its real
estate/retirement nest egg by
employing thousands of mortgage brokers, investment banking con men and
dubious ponziesque securities called Collateralized Debt
Obligations and Credit Default Swaps. Like the Sting, the cast
is chuck full of colorful characters like Alan (the "Maestro") Greenspan, Dick (the "Gorilla") Fuld,
Maurice "Hank" Greenberg, James "Jimmy" Cayne
Henry "Hank" Paulsen and
Ben Bernanke (who will soon be known as "Father Moral Hazard"). What is it
with gangsters, con men, bankers and
nicknames? In the plot we get to watch innocent
bystanders, a dopey mark like
AIG and now the American taxpayer, get conned and swindled out of
roughly $700 Billion USD-- no one knows for sure. As
in The Sting, the key stone cops (the SEC), show up
long after the action has taken place. Unlike the Sting,
there is no Shaw character to exact poetic justice against
the Wall Street gang.
One hundred years ago a man named Franklin Keyes, Esq.
(you guessed it, a Wall Street lawyer) published a tract
titled: "Wall Street Speculation, Its Tricks and Its Tragedies".
In it he says: "Wall Street is dominated by some of the brainiest
and shrewdest men in the country, natural born sharpers and schemers,
and before the average man can get the better of them,
except through the merest chance,
he will have to eat brain food for a long time."
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Paul Newman, you're than man, rest in peace.
Regardless of a Bailout, US Economy is Decelerating
(Michael Jackson's Thriller)
WilliamBanzai7
It's Midnight this late September night and the street is full of Politicians, Lurking in the Dark.
Under The Moonlight, You See A Sight That Almost Stops Your Heart.
You Try To Scream, But Terror Takes The Sound Before You Make It.
Debt Markets Start To Freeze, As Horror Looks You Right Between The Eyes,
Your Paralyzed
You Hear The Door Slam, And Realize There's Nowhere Left To Run.
You Feel The Cold Take Hold, And Wonder If You'll See the Mother of All Bear Runs
You Close Your Eyes, And Hope That This Is Just Imagination,
But All The While, You Hear The GOP Pachydermata Creepin' Up Behind
You're Out Of Time
They're Out to Get You, There's Demons Closing In On Every Side.
They Will Possess You, Unless You Change The Number On Your Skype.
Now Is the Time for You and Your Trading Quants to huddle Close Together
All Thru The Night, It'll Save You From The Terror On The Reuter Screen,
It'll Make You See:
(narrated by Vincent Price)
Darkness Falls Across The Land, The Asian Trading Day Is Close At Hand.
Bottom Feeders Crawl In Search Of Blood To Foreclose on Your Neighborhood
And Whosoever Shall Be Found Without The Soul For Economic Bust
Must Stand And Face The Hounds Of Subprime Hell, And Rot Inside WaMu's Bankrupt Shell.
The Foulest Stench Is In The Air The Funk Of 700 Billion Bailout Bucks
And Shortselling Ghouls From Every Trading Room Are Closing In To Seal Your Doom
And Though You Fight To Stay Alive Your Net Worth Starts To Shiver
For No Investing Mortal Can Resist The Evil Of The TARP Bailout Thriller
'Cause this Is Thriller, TARP Bailout make or break Night
and No-ones Gonna Save You from the Beast about to Strike.
You Know its Thriller, TARP Bailout Thriller Night
You're fighting for Your Monetary Life inside a Killer, Thriller.
Thriller, TARP Bailout Thriller Night
'Cause I can thrill you More Than Any Market Ghoul Could ever try. (Thriller, Bailout Night)
So Let Me Hold You Tight And Share A Killer, Chiller, Fiscal Massacre
Thriller Here Tonight.
'Cause this Is Thriller ,TARP Bailout Thriller night
It Will Thrill You More Than Any Ghoul Could ever dare try
Any Ghoul could ever Dare Try
(Daddy, can I be TARP for Halloween? No deary...its too scary! Be something funny
like the McCain campaign )
williambanzai7.blogspo.../
Poor Coverage of the Republican Plan
You Can't Handle The Truth
The following Vietnam War Fighter Pilot JARGON key is provided in order to expedite discussions and reduce confusion with John McCain concerning TARP
Agent Orange: A toxic equity tranche
Body Count: Number of bankers fired
E&E: Escape and evasion tactics: Often applied by Wall Street CEOs and politicians
Hootch: What investors smoke before they visit Bear Stearns and Lehman
Gook: What you will find in Lehman and AIG's financial footnotes
Level 3 Asset: Covert assets
Cumshaw: OTC trading
Crispy Critters: Exploding Hedge Funds
Water torture: Forced to read ISDA standard terms
DC: Dick Cheney then, Dick Cheney now
Deuce and a half: 250 Trillion dollars
C Rations: Stale sandwiches from Kaplans deli.
AWOL: Chairman Cox during the runup of the great meltdown.
Delta neutral: A Wall Street hedging strategy not to be confused with Mekong Delta.
Oversight: What Congress must do: Excuse us for the oversight.
AAA: Anti Aircraft Artillery/ also Rating Agency Jargon
AVRN: Already Very Rough Numbers
Go juice: Prune juice
Chop Shop: Workout firm
M&A: Mission Accomplished!
HUD: Heads up display (Housing and Urban Development, where the subprime mess started)
Ho Chi Minh Trail: AMTRACK
HMONG: A friendly Vietnamese tribe (on Wall Street: Honor "Hmong" thieves)
Golden Parachute: Every pilot and CEO must have one
Tailhook: The contingent liability payable under a CDS
SAM: Securitised asset markdowns
Million Dollar Wound: A wound not warranting bailout money
Bandits: Short sellers
Jesus Bolt: The nut that holds everything together (Hank Paulson)
Gigahertz and Nanoseconds ~ Highly technical, detailed, and hard to understand ("It's getting down to gigahertz and nanoseconds.")
Lost the Bubble ~ Got confused or forgot what was happening. Alan Greenspan lost the bubble.
Loud Handle ~ Lever or grip that fires ejection seat. Often used by Wall Street CEOs.
LTCM: An early Wall Street ICBM
Peter Pilot ("PP"): Affectionate name for inexperienced pilot newbie or Vice Presidential running mate.
PSY-OPs: Whitehouse tactics
R&R: What Congress takes every 3 business days and what George Bush does for a living.
POW: Prisoner of War: Wall Street-Person of Wealth
ReTARP: He who will explain the next Wall Street Bailout
Re-Education Camp: Where investment bankers go to learn about the real business world
Selling short: What the US government does to its Armed Forces
Smoking Hole ~ A bottomless write off.
Spiderhole: Where W emerges once in a blue moon
TOP Gun: A derivative salesman
Tunneling: What hedge fund managers do to opaque financial reports
Tunnel Rat: SEC short hunter
Up on the Governor ~ When someone is about to have a tantrum (term comes from the device that keeps the engine from overspeeding).
Up to Speed, or Up to Snuff ~ To understand or to know what's going on.
Swiftboating: There you go again ;-)
Unknown Unknowns: The OTC derivatives market
FWMD: Financial Weapons of Mass Destruction
Zero Dark 30: Operations between 12AM and sunrise (Going to the printers)
Brought to you by: WilliamBanzai7
Kicking People Out - Cramer's Stop Trading! (9/24/08)
(to the melody of Bad Moon Rising
Creedance Clearwater Revival)
Adapted by WilliamBanzai7)
I see a a Bush Bailout arising.
I see trouble on the way.
I see fiscal earthquakes and lightnin.
I see bad economic times today.
Chorus:
Dont listen to Hank n Ben tonight,
Well, its bound to take your net worth's life,
There's a bailout on the rise.
I hear deficit hurricanes a blowing.
I know the end is coming soon.
I fear rivers of debt over flowing.
I hear the taxpayer voice of rage and ruin.
Chorus
Dont listen to Hank n Ben tonight,
Well, its bound to take your net worths life,
There's a bailout on the rise.
Hope you got your assets n things together.
Hope you are quite prepared to die.
Looks like were in for nasty market weather.
One eye is taken for an eye.
FNM
(to the melody of Bad Moon Rising
Creedance Clearwater Revival)
Adapted by WilliamBanzai7)
I see a a Bush Bailout arising.
I see trouble on the way.
I see fiscal earthquakes and lightnin.
I see bad economic times today.
Chorus:
Dont listen to Hank n Ben tonight,
Well, its bound to take your net worth's life,
There's a bailout on the rise.
I hear deficit hurricanes a blowing.
I know the end is coming soon.
I fear rivers of debt over flowing.
I hear the taxpayer voice of rage and ruin.
Chorus
Dont listen to Hank n Ben tonight,
Well, its bound to take your net worths life,
There's a bailout on the rise.
Hope you got your assets n things together.
Hope you are quite prepared to die.
Looks like were in for nasty market weather.
One eye is taken for an eye.
This Financial Crisis Too Shall Pass
(Arlo Guthrie--Alice's Restaurant)
Adapted by William Banzai7
This song is called Hank's Restaurant, and it's about Hank Paulson, and the
restaurant, but Hank's Restaurant is not the name of the restaurant,
that's just the name of the song, and that's why I called the song Hank's
Restaurant.
You can get anything you want at Hank's Bailout Restaurant
You can get anything you want at Hank's Bailout Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the Federal Reserve Bank
You can get anything you want at Hank's bailout Restaurant
Now it all started Thanksgiving Day 2008- when my friend Warren and I went up to
visit Hank at the restaurant, but Hank doesn't sit in the there, he sits near a fella named Blank in Goldman Sachs
Wall Street office, in a big glass corporate tower. And being in a tower like that, they got a lot of
room downstairs. Havin' all that room, they decided that they didn't
have to take out their subprime garbage for a long time.
We got up there, we found all the toxic subprime garbage in there, and we decided it'd be
a friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the non-performing asset dump. So
Warren and I took the 700 billion tons of subprime garbage, put it in the back of a red Humvee
stretch limo, including CDSs and CDOs and other implements of mass financial destruction and headed
on toward the non-performng asset dump.
Well we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across across the
dump saying, "No Dumping on Thanksgiving." And we had never heard of a dump
closed on Thanksgiving before, and with tears in our eyes we drove off
into the sunset looking for another place to put the financial garbage.
We didn't find one. Until we came to a side road, and off the side of the
side road there was another fifteen foot hole and at the bottom of the
hole there was a pile of Dot.com garbage, prospectuses, analyst reports etc. And we decided that one big pile
is better than two little piles, and rather than bring that one up we
decided to throw our's down.
That's what we did, and drove back to the restaurant, had a thanksgiving
dinner that couldn't be beat, went to sleep and didn't get up until the
next morning, when we got a phone call from Attorney General Cuomo. He said, "Kid,
we found your name on an offering circular at the bottom of a half a ton of
subprime garbage, and just wanted to know if you had any information about it." And
I said, "Yes, sir, Mr. Cuomo, I cannot tell a lie, I put that envelope
under that garbage."
After speaking to Cuomo for about fourty-five minutes on the telephone we
finally arrived at the truth of the matter and said that we had to go down
and pick up the subprime garbage, and also had to go down and speak to him at the
NY AG's office. So we got in the red Humvee Limo with the
CDOs and CDSs and implements of financial destruction and headed on toward the NY AGs office.
Now friends, there was only one or two things that Cuomo coulda done at
the AG's office, and the first was he could have given us a medal for
being so brave and honest on the telephone, which wasn't very likely, and
we didn't expect it, and the other thing was he could have bawled us out
and told us never to be see driving toxic asset backed garbage around the vicinity of Wall Street again,
which is what we expected, but when we got to the NY AG's office
there was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon, and we was
both immediately arrested. Handcuffed. And I said Andrew, I don't think I
can pick up the garbage with these handcuffs on." He said, "Shut up, kid.
Get in the back of the patrol car."
And that's what we did, sat in the back of the patrol car and drove to the
quote Scene of the Crime unquote. I want tell you about Wall Street, where this happened here, they got three Federal regulators, the SEC, the CFTC and the FBI, but when we got to the
Scene of the Crime there was all kinds of state and federal regulators running around, this
being the biggest financial crime of the last five years, and everybody wanted to
get in the newspaper story about it. And the FBI, they was using up all kinds of
equipment that they had hanging around the antiterrorist bureau.
They was taking plaster tire tracks, finger prints, dog smelling prints, and
they took twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles
and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each
one was to be used as evidence against us. Took pictures of the approach,
the getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and that's not to
mention the aerial photography.
After the ordeal, we went back to the jail. Cuomo said he was going to put
us in the cell. Said, "Kid, I'm going to put you in the cell, I want your
wallet and your belt." And I said, "I can understand you wanting my
wallet so I don't have any money to spend in the cell, but what do you
want my belt for?" And he said, "Kid, we don't want any hangings." I
said, "did you think I was going to hang myself for subprime fraud?"
Cuomo said he was making sure, and friends Cuomo was, cause he took out the
toilet seat so I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown, and he took
out the toilet paper so I couldn't bend the bars roll out the - roll the
toilet paper out the window, slide down the roll and have an escape. Cuomo
was making sure, and it was about four or five hours later that Hank
(remember Hank? It's a song about Hank), came by and with a few
nasty words to Cuomo on the side, Bailed us out using Federal taxpayer money, and we went back
to the restaurant, had a another thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat,
and didn't get up until the next morning, when we all had to go to court.
We walked in, sat down, Cuomo came in with the twenty seven eight-by-ten
colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back
of each one, sat down. Man came in said, "All rise." We all stood up,
and Cuomo stood up with the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy
pictures, and the judge walked in sat down with a seeing eye dog, and he
sat down, we sat down. Cuomo looked at the seeing eye dog, and then at the
twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows
and a paragraph on the back of each one, and looked at the seeing eye dog.
And then at twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles
and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one and began to cry,
'cause Cuomo came to the realization that it was a typical case of American
blind justice, and there wasn't nothing he could do about it, and the
judge wasn't going to look at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy
pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each
one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. And
we was fined $50 and had to pick up the subprime garbage
You can get anything you want, at Hank's Bailout Restaurant
You can get anything you want, at Hank's Bailout Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the Federal Reserve Bank
You can get anything you want, at Hank's Bailout Restaurant
Call the Treasury's Bluff
(Adapted from William Shakespeare's Hamlet)
(WilliamBanzai7)
To Bail, or not to Bail, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous loss of fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of financial troubles
And by opposing end them. To die—to sleep,
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the billion market shocks
That investor hubris is heir to: 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep, perchance to dream—ay, there's the rub:
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this market coil,
Must give us pause—there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The CEO banker's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of write offs, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th'unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare quill? Who would Federal oversight bear,
To grunt and sweat under an ordinary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovere'd country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the familiar hue of resolution trust
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action.
Where's the Bottom? Still Anybody's Guess
(Adapted from William Shakespeare's Hamlet)
(WilliamBanzai7)
To Bail, or not to Bail, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous loss of fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of financial troubles
And by opposing end them. To die—to sleep,
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the billion market shocks
That investor hubris is heir to: 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep, perchance to dream—ay, there's the rub:
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this market coil,
Must give us pause—there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The CEO banker's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of write offs, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th'unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare quill? Who would Federal oversight bear,
To grunt and sweat under an ordinary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovere'd country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the familiar hue of resolution trust
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action.
Senator Dodd Revamps Paulson’s Bailout Plan
U.S. Treasury
Office of Sekretary Henry (Hank) Paulson
LEGISLATIVE PROPOSAL FOR TREASURY AUTHORITY
TO PURCHASE TOXIC FINANCIAL ASSETS
Sec. 1. Short Title.
This Act may be cited as "Taxpayer networth annihilation and Investment banking wealth Recovery Plan" ("TwIRP") .
Sec. 2. Purchases of Toxic Assets.
(a) Authority to Purchase. – The Sekretary is authorized to purchase, and to make and fund commitments to purchase, on such terms and conditions as determined by the Sekretary in his sole, absolute, divine and knowing discretion, any and all manner of Toxic Assets from any Financial Institution, as those terms are defined in section 13 of the Act.
(b) Necessary Actions. – The Sekretary is authorized to take such actions as the Sekretary deems necessary to carry out the authorities in this Act, including, without limitation:
(1) appointing such employees and hiring konsultants (da Konsultanz with a K), unemployed investment bankers and advisors as may be required to carry out the authorities in this Act and defining their duties;
(2) entering into contracts, MOUs, LOIs, including lucrative contracts for investment banking and financial advisory services for the management of Toxic Assets;
(3) designating Financial Institutions as financial agents, revenue collectors, purchasing agents and proxies of the Government, and they shall perform all such reasonable duties related to this Act as financial agents and proxies of the Government as they deem fit in their sole and absolute discretion;
(4) establishing vehicles, including offshore SPIVs and conduits, pyramids and highly leveraged PONZI structures that are authorized, subject to new ideas by the Secretaries quantitative engineer, to purchase Toxic Assets and issue open ended obligations;
(5) directly and indirectly, granting bonuses, equity kickers, management fees, performance fees, restructuring fees, brokerage commissions, finders fees, entertainment accounts, unemployment compensation and other compensation arrangements; and
(5) formulating such regulations, fine print, boilerplate, standard terms, ISDA riders and other terms as may be necessary or appropriate to define terms or carry out the authorities of this Act.
Sec. 3. Considerations.
In exercising the authorities granted in this Act, the Sekretary shall take into consideration means for –
(1) Reinstating Wall Street investment bankers into the financial pecking order of society;
(2) shafting the taxpayers; and
(3) appropriate steps to paper over any conflicts of interest in the hiring of Wall Street contractors or advisors. Any regulation issued under this authority shall not be subject to the rest of the United States Code.
Only to the extent reasonably feasible, the Secretary shall attempt to provide stability or prevent corruption in the financial markets or banking system;
Sec. 4. Reports to Congress.
Within three months of the first exercise of the authority granted in section 2(a), and semiannually thereafter, the Sekretary shall only if feasible, attempt to report to the Committees on the Budget, Financial Services, and Ways and Means of the House of Representatives and the Committees on the Budget, Finance, and Banking, Housing, and Urban Affairs of the Senate with respect to the authorities exercised under this Act and the considerations required by section 3.
Sec. 5. Rights; Management; Sale of Troubled Assets.
(a) Exercise of Rights. – The Secretary may, at any time, in his sole, absulute, reasonable or unreasonable, divinely inspired discretion, exercise any rights received in connection with Toxic Assets purchased under this Act.
(b) Management of Toxic Assets. – The Secretary shall have authority to manage, securitize and repackage Toxic Assets purchased under this Act, including conjuring revenues and engineering away all portfolio risks therefrom.
(c) Sale of Toxic Assets. – The Sekretary may, at any time, any place, to anyone, upon terms and conditions and at prices determined by the Secretary in his sole and absolute divine discretion, sell, or enter into securitiised loans, CDOs, CDSs, kickers, participations, synthetic securities, repurchase transactions, black holes or other financial weapons of mass destruction in regard to, any asset purchased under this Act.
(d) Application of Sunset to Toxic Assets. – The authority of the Sekretary to hold any Toxic mortgage-related asset purchased under this Act before the termination date in section 9, or to purchase or fund the purchase of a mortgage-related asset under a commitment entered into before the termination date in section 9, is not subject to the provisions of section 9.
Sec. 6. Maximum Amount of Authorized Purchases.
The Sekretary's authority to purchase Troubled Assets under this Act shall be unlimited, but for optical puroses shall be expressed as $700,000,000,000,000,0... outstanding at any one time.
Sec. 7. Funding.
For the purpose of the authorities granted in this Act, and for the costs of administering those authorities, the Sekretary may use the proceeds of the sale of any securities issued under chapter 31 of title 31, United States Code, and the purposes for which securities may be issued under chapter 31 of title 31, United States Code, are extended to include actions authorized by this Act, including the payment of administrative expenses. Any funds expended for actions authorized by this Act, including the payment of administrative expenses, shall be deemed appropriated at the time of such expenditure.
Sec. 8. Review.
Decisions by the Secretary pursuant to the authority of this Act are absolutely non-reviewable and committed to absolute agency discretion, and may not be reviewed by any court of law, any administrative agency, any Congressional Committee, media, newspaper or press or other divine authority.
Sec. 9. Termination of Authority.
The authorities under this Act, with the exception of authorities granted in sections 2(b)(5), 5 and 7, shall be in perpetuity.
Sec. 10. Increase in Statutory Limit on the Public Debt.
Subsection (b) of section 3101 of title 31, United States Code, is amended by striking out the dollar limitation contained in such subsection and inserting in lieu thereof "such amount as is determined under Section 6.
Sec. 11. Credit Reform.
The costs of purchases of Troubled Assets made under section 2(a) of this Act shall be determined only if feasible and if we have more time.
Sec. 12. Indemnification and Release.
No consultant, agent, employee or other firm engaged pursuant to this Act shall be held accountable for negligence or shabby performance, including in particular, service and performance
in a grossly negligent and reckless manner. Such parties shall be fully indemnified with the full faith and credit of the USA.
Section 13. Definitions.
For purposes of this Act, the following definitions shall apply:
(1) Financial Institution. – The term "Financial Institutions" means any institution including, but not limited to, banks, thrifts, credit unions, broker-dealers, and insurance companies, having significant operations in the United States; and, upon the Sekretary's determination perhaps in consultation with the Chairman of the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve, any other institution he determines necessary to promote financial market stability. For the avoidance of doubt, the term shall include Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley and any spin off, successor or surviving entity.
(2) Secretary. – The term "Sekretary" means the "Hank" Paulson and his heirs and or Phil Gramm.
(3) Toxic Assets. – The term "Toxic Assets" means residential or commercial mortgages and any securities, obligations, or other instruments that are based on or related to such mortgages, that in each case was originated or issued on or before September 17, 2008; and, upon the determination of the Sekretary perhaps in consultation with the Chairman of the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve, any other financial WMD, as he determines necessary to promote the strength of Wall Street; including without limitation, leveraged buyout credits, prime brokerage margin credits and and all CDS counter party liability.
(4) Black Scholes Formula.-- A term utilized to convince the cynics and skeptics that we know what we are doing.
(5) LTCM. A previous financial disaster that would have led to financial meltdown. Discounted by the regulatory authorities as a 1000 year aberation.
(6) Alan Greenspan. A once in a 1000 year goofball.
(7) George Bush. A circus clown who lives in the White House.
(8) SEC. Somebody please Eject Cox.
(9) 2 Big 2 Fail. 2 Stupid 2 Survive.
(8) United States. – The term "United States and USA" means the United Socialistic American States, territories, and possessions of the United States, Wall Street, East Hampton, Nantucket and the District of Columbia.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE, HEAR YE, may it be known by all thee present, that this TwIRP is hereby declared the law of the land.
Paulson/Bernanke: $700 Billion at 'Hold to Maturity' Pricing
U.S. Treasury
Office of Sekretary Henry (Hank) Paulson
LEGISLATIVE PROPOSAL FOR TREASURY AUTHORITY
TO PURCHASE TOXIC FINANCIAL ASSETS
Sec. 1. Short Title.
This Act may be cited as "Taxpayer networth annihilation and Investment banking wealth Recovery Plan" ("TwIRP") .
Sec. 2. Purchases of Toxic Assets.
(a) Authority to Purchase. – The Sekretary is authorized to purchase, and to make and fund commitments to purchase, on such terms and conditions as determined by the Sekretary in his sole, absolute, divine and knowing discretion, any and all manner of Toxic Assets from any Financial Institution, as those terms are defined in section 13 of the Act.
(b) Necessary Actions. – The Sekretary is authorized to take such actions as the Sekretary deems necessary to carry out the authorities in this Act, including, without limitation:
(1) appointing such employees and hiring konsultants (da Konsultanz with a K), unemployed investment bankers and advisors as may be required to carry out the authorities in this Act and defining their duties;
(2) entering into contracts, MOUs, LOIs, including lucrative contracts for investment banking and financial advisory services for the management of Toxic Assets;
(3) designating Financial Institutions as financial agents, revenue collectors, purchasing agents and proxies of the Government, and they shall perform all such reasonable duties related to this Act as financial agents and proxies of the Government as they deem fit in their sole and absolute discretion;
(4) establishing vehicles, including offshore SPIVs and conduits, pyramids and highly leveraged PONZI structures that are authorized, subject to new ideas by the Secretaries quantitative engineer, to purchase Toxic Assets and issue open ended obligations;
(5) directly and indirectly, granting bonuses, equity kickers, management fees, performance fees, restructuring fees, brokerage commissions, finders fees, entertainment accounts, unemployment compensation and other compensation arrangements; and
(5) formulating such regulations, fine print, boilerplate, standard terms, ISDA riders and other terms as may be necessary or appropriate to define terms or carry out the authorities of this Act.
Sec. 3. Considerations.
In exercising the authorities granted in this Act, the Sekretary shall take into consideration means for –
(1) Reinstating Wall Street investment bankers into the financial pecking order of society;
(2) shafting the taxpayers; and
(3) appropriate steps to paper over any conflicts of interest in the hiring of Wall Street contractors or advisors. Any regulation issued under this authority shall not be subject to the rest of the United States Code.
Only to the extent reasonably feasible, the Secretary shall attempt to provide stability or prevent corruption in the financial markets or banking system;
Sec. 4. Reports to Congress.
Within three months of the first exercise of the authority granted in section 2(a), and semiannually thereafter, the Sekretary shall only if feasible, attempt to report to the Committees on the Budget, Financial Services, and Ways and Means of the House of Representatives and the Committees on the Budget, Finance, and Banking, Housing, and Urban Affairs of the Senate with respect to the authorities exercised under this Act and the considerations required by section 3.
Sec. 5. Rights; Management; Sale of Troubled Assets.
(a) Exercise of Rights. – The Secretary may, at any time, in his sole, absulute, reasonable or unreasonable, divinely inspired discretion, exercise any rights received in connection with Toxic Assets purchased under this Act.
(b) Management of Toxic Assets. – The Secretary shall have authority to manage, securitize and repackage Toxic Assets purchased under this Act, including conjuring revenues and engineering away all portfolio risks therefrom.
(c) Sale of Toxic Assets. – The Sekretary may, at any time, any place, to anyone, upon terms and conditions and at prices determined by the Secretary in his sole and absolute divine discretion, sell, or enter into securitiised loans, CDOs, CDSs, kickers, participations, synthetic securities, repurchase transactions, black holes or other financial weapons of mass destruction in regard to, any asset purchased under this Act.
(d) Application of Sunset to Toxic Assets. – The authority of the Sekretary to hold any Toxic mortgage-related asset purchased under this Act before the termination date in section 9, or to purchase or fund the purchase of a mortgage-related asset under a commitment entered into before the termination date in section 9, is not subject to the provisions of section 9.
Sec. 6. Maximum Amount of Authorized Purchases.
The Sekretary's authority to purchase Troubled Assets under this Act shall be unlimited, but for optical puroses shall be expressed as $700,000,000,000,000,0... outstanding at any one time.
Sec. 7. Funding.
For the purpose of the authorities granted in this Act, and for the costs of administering those authorities, the Sekretary may use the proceeds of the sale of any securities issued under chapter 31 of title 31, United States Code, and the purposes for which securities may be issued under chapter 31 of title 31, United States Code, are extended to include actions authorized by this Act, including the payment of administrative expenses. Any funds expended for actions authorized by this Act, including the payment of administrative expenses, shall be deemed appropriated at the time of such expenditure.
Sec. 8. Review.
Decisions by the Secretary pursuant to the authority of this Act are absolutely non-reviewable and committed to absolute agency discretion, and may not be reviewed by any court of law, any administrative agency, any Congressional Committee, media, newspaper or press or other divine authority.
Sec. 9. Termination of Authority.
The authorities under this Act, with the exception of authorities granted in sections 2(b)(5), 5 and 7, shall be in perpetuity.
Sec. 10. Increase in Statutory Limit on the Public Debt.
Subsection (b) of section 3101 of title 31, United States Code, is amended by striking out the dollar limitation contained in such subsection and inserting in lieu thereof "such amount as is determined under Section 6.
Sec. 11. Credit Reform.
The costs of purchases of Troubled Assets made under section 2(a) of this Act shall be determined only if feasible and if we have more time.
Sec. 12. Indemnification and Release.
No consultant, agent, employee or other firm engaged pursuant to this Act shall be held accountable for negligence or shabby performance, including in particular, service and performance
in a grossly negligent and reckless manner. Such parties shall be fully indemnified with the full faith and credit of the USA.
Section 13. Definitions.
For purposes of this Act, the following definitions shall apply:
(1) Financial Institution. – The term "Financial Institutions" means any institution including, but not limited to, banks, thrifts, credit unions, broker-dealers, and insurance companies, having significant operations in the United States; and, upon the Sekretary's determination perhaps in consultation with the Chairman of the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve, any other institution he determines necessary to promote financial market stability. For the avoidance of doubt, the term shall include Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley and any spin off, successor or surviving entity.
(2) Secretary. – The term "Sekretary" means the "Hank" Paulson and his heirs and or Phil Gramm.
(3) Toxic Assets. – The term "Toxic Assets" means residential or commercial mortgages and any securities, obligations, or other instruments that are based on or related to such mortgages, that in each case was originated or issued on or before September 17, 2008; and, upon the determination of the Sekretary perhaps in consultation with the Chairman of the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve, any other financial WMD, as he determines necessary to promote the strength of Wall Street; including without limitation, leveraged buyout credits, prime brokerage margin credits and and all CDS counter party liability.
(4) Black Scholes Formula.-- A term utilized to convince the cynics and skeptics that we know what we are doing.
(5) LTCM. A previous financial disaster that would have led to financial meltdown. Discounted by the regulatory authorities as a 1000 year aberation.
(6) Alan Greenspan. A once in a 1000 year goofball.
(7) George Bush. A circus clown who lives in the White House.
(8) SEC. Somebody please Eject Cox.
(9) 2 Big 2 Fail. 2 Stupid 2 Survive.
(8) United States. – The term "United States and USA" means the United Socialistic American States, territories, and possessions of the United States, Wall Street, East Hampton, Nantucket and the District of Columbia.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE, HEAR YE, may it be known by all thee present, that this TwIRP is hereby declared the law of the land.
Treasury's Plan Is Breathtakingly Awful
(Charge of the Light Brigade, Alfred Lord Tennyson)
(Modified by WilliamBanzai7)
Half a trillion, half a trillion,
Give or take 200 billion, onward!
All in the valley of Balance Sheet Death
Rode the seven hundred billion tax dollars.
"Forward, the TARP Brigade!
"Charge for the ABS Credit Default Swaps!" he said:
Into the valley of Balance Sheet Death
Rode the seven hundred billion tax dollars.
"Forward, the TARP Brigade!"
Was there a politician dismay'd?
Not tho' the Congress knew
Some guy named Hank had blunder'd:
Their's not to make reply,
Their's not to reason why,
Their's but to do and die:
Into the valley of Balance Sheet Death
Rode the seven hundred billion tax dollars.
CDOs to right of them,
CDSs to left of them,
AIG and the GSEs in front of them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with Wall Street shot and shell,
Boldly that load of Federal largesse rode and well,
Into the jaws of Balance Sheet Death,
Into the mouth of subprime contagion Hell
Rode the seven hundred billion.
Flash'd all the workout sabres bare,
Flash'd as they turn'd in air,
Sabring the asset backed losses there,
Charging an army of tawdry bankers, accountants, and shysters, while
All the world wonder'd:
Plunged in the seedy subprime-smoke
Right into the red numbers they broke;
Lehman and Bear Stearns
Spared from the sabre stroke
Shatter'd and sunder'd.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the seven hundred billion.
Subprime CDOs to right of them,
Subprime CDSs to left of them,
Fat Wall Street advisory fees behind them,
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with derivative losses, asset backed shot and shell,
While level 3 zeros fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro' the jaws of Balance Sheet Death
Back from the mouth of subprime contagion Hell,
All that was left of it?
Nothing left of seven hundred billion!
When can its glory fade?
O the wild loss charges!
All the world wondered.
Honor the huge expenditures they made,
Honor the TARP Brigade,
Noble seven hundred billion taxpayer dollars.
(TARP--Troubled Asset Relief Plan of 2008)
williambanzai7.blogspo.../
Bailout Nation and Future Impacts
(Charge of the Light Brigade, Alfred Lord Tennyson)
(Modified by WilliamBanzai7)
Half a trillion, half a trillion,
Give or take 200 billion, onward!
All in the valley of Balance Sheet Death
Rode the seven hundred billion tax dollars.
"Forward, the TARP Brigade!
"Charge for the ABS Credit Default Swaps!" he said:
Into the valley of Balance Sheet Death
Rode the seven hundred billion tax dollars.
"Forward, the TARP Brigade!"
Was there a politician dismay'd?
Not tho' the Congress knew
Some guy named Hank had blunder'd:
Their's not to make reply,
Their's not to reason why,
Their's but to do and die:
Into the valley of Balance Sheet Death
Rode the seven hundred billion tax dollars.
CDOs to right of them,
CDSs to left of them,
AIG and the GSEs in front of them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with Wall Street shot and shell,
Boldly that load of Federal largesse rode and well,
Into the jaws of Balance Sheet Death,
Into the mouth of subprime contagion Hell
Rode the seven hundred billion.
Flash'd all the workout sabres bare,
Flash'd as they turn'd in air,
Sabring the asset backed losses there,
Charging an army of tawdry bankers, accountants, and shysters, while
All the world wonder'd:
Plunged in the seedy subprime-smoke
Right into the red numbers they broke;
Lehman and Bear Stearns
Spared from the sabre stroke
Shatter'd and sunder'd.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the seven hundred billion.
Subprime CDOs to right of them,
Subprime CDSs to left of them,
Fat Wall Street advisory fees behind them,
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with derivative losses, asset backed shot and shell,
While level 3 zeros fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro' the jaws of Balance Sheet Death
Back from the mouth of subprime contagion Hell,
All that was left of it?
Nothing left of seven hundred billion!
When can its glory fade?
O the wild loss charges!
All the world wondered.
Honor the huge expenditures they made,
Honor the TARP Brigade,
Noble seven hundred billion taxpayer dollars.
(TARP--Troubled Asset Relief Plan of 2008)
williambanzai7.blogspo.../
The Real Wall Street Doesn't Deserve to Be Ruined
(Charge of the Light Brigade, Alfred Lord Tennyson)
(Modified by WilliamBanzai7)
Half a trillion, half a trillion,
Give or take 200 billion, onward!
All in the valley of Balance Sheet Death
Rode the seven hundred billion tax dollars.
"Forward, the TARP Brigade!
"Charge for the ABS Credit Default Swaps!" he said:
Into the valley of Balance Sheet Death
Rode the seven hundred billion tax dollars.
"Forward, the TARP Brigade!"
Was there a politician dismay'd?
Not tho' the Congress knew
Some guy named Hank had blunder'd:
Their's not to make reply,
Their's not to reason why,
Their's but to do and die:
Into the valley of Balance Sheet Death
Rode the seven hundred billion tax dollars.
CDOs to right of them,
CDSs to left of them,
AIG and the GSEs in front of them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with Wall Street shot and shell,
Boldly that load of Federal largesse rode and well,
Into the jaws of Balance Sheet Death,
Into the mouth of subprime contagion Hell
Rode the seven hundred billion.
Flash'd all the workout sabres bare,
Flash'd as they turn'd in air,
Sabring the asset backed losses there,
Charging an army of tawdry bankers, accountants, and shysters, while
All the world wonder'd:
Plunged in the seedy subprime-smoke
Right into the red numbers they broke;
Lehman and Bear Stearns
Spared from the sabre stroke
Shatter'd and sunder'd.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the seven hundred billion.
Subprime CDOs to right of them,
Subprime CDSs to left of them,
Fat Wall Street advisory fees behind them,
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with derivative losses, asset backed shot and shell,
While level 3 zeros fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro' the jaws of Balance Sheet Death
Back from the mouth of subprime contagion Hell,
All that was left of it?
Nothing left of seven hundred billion!
When can its glory fade?
O the wild loss charges!
All the world wondered.
Honor the huge expenditures they made,
Honor the TARP Brigade,
Noble seven hundred billion taxpayer dollars.
(TARP--Troubled Asset Relief Plan of 2008)
williambanzai7.blogspo.../